I am going to change my blog yet again and this time, it's for personal use maybe with the exception of around 4 people, plus minus.
And to all my friends, whom I've known and supported me, I thank you guys for every moment that you smile and may God repay you in abundance.
- I'm moving for the last time, yet again
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perpetual_chasm- April 24th, 2009
- Some other
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- perpetual_chasm
- April 20th, 2009
How much you have changed since i first met you. How the transformation happens is beyond my thinking capability. Peer pressure, the sheer willingness to look good till the very foundation of Islam is thrown away. The absolute arrogance and i-am-better-than-you attitude deeply personified your traits. Too much is fair to say of you.
I am unsure of what you make of me or just leaving me is an option you would gladly take given an option. When you uttered, "Of course, I do" in the not too long past, I was both happy and shocked. But, now this?, therefore, 2 days I took to decide, that the best option to resolve this deeply unsettling issue is for you to decide, since my words are either ignored or dismissed due to their validity.
Very soon, I will embark on a new phase of life and I do not wish to bring along those problems from the previous phases to the new one. You have a life of your own, I have a life of mine. How you want to dress, how you want to address your ego, if this time, you are going to love 4 guys instead of the previous 2, are beyond my reach and therefore, its fair to say that I can't do anything about it.
The life that I had had is a mix of between good and bad times. The good times are just mediocre and the bad times are astonishingly bad. As such, I want to be alone. Free from jealousy, free from hurt, free from anything. My advice, treasure what you have but be careful not to flaunt it too much cos soon, you will incur the wrath of it.
On to better things, my childhood friend, my sister, my cousin, all rolled into one by the name of Shazana will be married soon. Only God knows how much she means to me and how much I have thanked her for her impact in my life. I do remember that when I was young, I will only eat when she feeds me and I will cry if I did not get to sit beside her for anything. Your arms carried me before and now, you are a good 20 cm shorter than me. How times have changed, right sis?
I have made the necessary arrangements with the live band performing and your mum that I will be singing Hero by Mariah Carey on your wedding today as a small tribute of thanks to how you have not made me feel the absence of an older sibling. I am unsure whether I could hold back my tears on that eventful day of yours.
P.S. Sunday, come faster please.
- My future
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- perpetual_chasm
- April 13th, 2009
My future, God willing will turn out something like this:
I have a beautiful sun-kissed colored house.
I have Nissan GT-R or Mazda RX-8 sports car. Perhaps a mini cooper will do the trick? Maybe.
I want my parents and my parents - in - law to stay with me.
I want to have a room dedicated to the Almighty, secondly an entertainment room, where my keyboard and drum will be there. Maybe engage Azhar to a rocking jam session every week.
Lastly, more importantly, I need a wife and I have found the most suitable wife for me.
Oh oh oh, I need a lot of instant noodles too cause both me and my future wife should be a lousy cook, I think.
P.S. My addictedness rating in Football Manager 2009 reads like this : Your relationship is now expired. HAHAHAHAHA.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, my game time is approaching 20 days. Incredible isn't it?
- Amazed.
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- perpetual_chasm
- April 13th, 2009
It amazes me that a young and naive crab taught her elders how to walk.
It amazes me the way you judged me when you had left your footprints after having stepped on my blueprints for disaster before
It's unfair and imploded me having heard that you think you are nice an awesome person, when clearly and definitely, you are not
It's so uncool trying to show off smoking here and there when I would bet my life that you smoke just to add several notches to your diminishing 'profile'.
Lesson to be learned by all is that don't criticize others, instead, look at yourself, reflect on your haunting past and ask yourself am i good enough to judge people?
Clearly, this rebellion superhero that you have in you is nothing more than a 'everybody-come-look-at-me' ego.
- Champions. What are they made up of?
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- perpetual_chasm
- April 12th, 2009
After watching Manchester's lucky win yesterday, for the first time, I sat back in my room and think deeply. Within seconds I was immersed with past memories and future glories and finally I did the trick. I cracked the code of champions.
Champions are those that have the sheer determination, not necessarily the quality, to power themselves to the top of their game.
Manchester United, we all know that they are one of the biggest clubs in the world, but they don't play like one. With the exception of the awesome Rooney, Tevez and Scholes, the rest just pushed their luck too far. Cristiano Ronaldo, the man who did stepovers a good 2 feet in front of the defender, the man who call himself a natural winger when he's in the centre forward position that forced the unselfish Rooney to occupy his position. When he scored a phenomenal 40 odd goals last season, everyone was in disbelief, how can a 'winger' score so many goals? I just laughed each time people mentioned that. The one who dived more times than the number of meals he eat per day.
Why am I so anti - Manchester? Why? Because they have all the negative qualities that you can ever find in a team? Alex Ferguson is the master mind behind all this dirty football.
After careful analysis over 43 games this season, I reached my conclusion. Alex told them to go down when they felt like they are fouled. When playing against team that play expansive, short passing football for instance, Arsenal they will not give them space, and when Arsenal pass beyond them, they will foul them lightly, simply means that they will make foul but not deserving a caution as to halt Arsenal's charge. A commentator once said, if you want to beat Arsenal, you must not be a gentleman, truly, it explains what Manchester United is all about.
80 percent of the time they are just lucky, 10 percent of the time they are brilliant and the remaining 10 percent is when they are soundly beaten.
They are not champions, they win because they depend on luck most of the time, many teams have taught them a good lesson this season. I hope more would continue.
The more I watch Manchester, the more it disgusts me, the more I hate Ronaldo. Sir Alex, don't convince us saying that he could reach the heights of Pele and Maradona because he will never do.
I had come out with true greats.
Here are the list :
Romario
Ronaldo ( The 3 times World player of the year winner )
Zidane
Thierry Henry
Lionel Messi
Pele
Maradona
Maldini
Gerrard
Schmeichel
Oliver Kahn
Vieira
Lampard
Eto'o
Carlos Dunga
Stoichkov
Rivaldo
Raul
and the list goes on.
- I think it's time for you people to know my past.
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- perpetual_chasm
- April 6th, 2009
Everyone, one way or another has an opinion of me. Whether it's good or it's bad, i am not quite sure.
I've decided that you guys judge me after knowing the complete side of me. Some are personal but i will share so that i will be in a lighter heart.
I've joined a gang ever since i am in secondary two, because i was forced too. I am sorry for keeping this to everyone. I am not a nice guy :(
Secondly, I have multiple personality disorder, a condition not known to my parents. Apparently, they do not care for me as much as I would love to be cared.
Now come to the most disgusting and disgracing part of all, 36 boys/men had been 'kicked around' by me. I am sorry guys, if I were to meet all of you again, I would fall to my knees and begged for forgiveness.
I have lied to the girl who loves me ever so much, Roslinah. I told one lie after the other to cover up for those I lied. Mostly on my gangster side of life. I am sorry you, I have gone to great lengths to ask for your forgiveness but you are still hostile towards me. Hostile you may seem, but deep down and under, I know you forgive me. Whatever it is, I am proud that I admitted.Irfaan, Naqib, Azhar, Sadiq, Huda, Dayana, Mashitah, Firdaus, and most importantly, Roslinah, I apologize from the bottom of my heart to all you great people, for whatever stupid things I have done to you.
I don't mind, if you guys would avoid me or nonchalantly judge me as a bad person because I am one.
Sorry sorry sorry sorry.
Now, i feel at peace. God, Ive done it. Thank You.
I love you.
- I'm certainly uncertained
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- perpetual_chasm
- April 4th, 2009
It all started with a routine oral conversation that left a huge imprint in me.
Friends. We all need them more than we need our siblings. Friends. The ones whom we are most comfortable to 'open' up our heart to. Friends. Those who wish for us to succeed so that at most, they can share the joy together or is it?
If it's not for that phone call with her, I would not have realized it. See, even though all this while you have been disrespecting me, I do not know. The reason being perhaps, I treated you like my own flesh and blood.
I swear I won't reveal who he/she is. If you think you are the one, then change. You don't have to apologize to me, it's just for your own good. You need to be thankful that I am at the end of your insults, if it were others, perhaps, the whole will know what kind of a person you are.
Cool.
On a more important note, accepting an apology is easy but moving on from it, is not. I really wish that you could be so kind to forgive me for all the things I've ever done to you. Promises are easy to make but incredibly hard to fulfill but if you were to render your assistance, support and dedication, it will not be as hard as you would imagine. Millions of thanks I offer in advance because I assume you would help. Don't disappoint me again.
P.S. A personal message to those undercover Templars out there, I know you guys inside out and please don't mess with the Earth's treasures anymore alright.
Oh God, I hope the sickness you have given me is nothing more than a serious throat infection. I am unimaginably petrified now. Please.
- Boooooooorrringgggg
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- perpetual_chasm
- March 29th, 2009
Floorball chalet had been keeping me nuisance company for the past 2 days. Generally, it lacked the spice of my close friends being there.
I am not unkind to conclude that it's one of the worst chalet I've been to.
My friend, Albert Einstein's famous theory of relativity is what that has been keeping me awake all this while.
Thank you Einsy, you are forever remembered by us.
- Many things
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- perpetual_chasm
- March 26th, 2009
Just as I thought that things could not get any worse than this, something I really don't expect happened. Of all people why must it be you? Of all things that you could do, why do you choose the one that you jolly - well know that it will hurt me the most? I'm not whining neither am I complaining. I got freakishly scary amount of problems in both of my pockets, why do you need to add more. Not that you're a trouble maker, the least you could do is understand. It's a powerful word and a powerful tool that can solve all the problems in the world.
I am a bad ass like someone said. Yeah very true. But, that was last time, now I am totally different. There's a saying that I think I heard or came up with that goes : " You are not who you are 1 second ago "
When people do make a mistake, if you are going to dwell over it and make unnecessarily big fuss over it, can it change what happened? ===================== That space on the left is for you to stop, think for a second and proceed reading.
On a brighter note, I, Qibsy and Bhai Gala went to watch 2 movies together. Good old threesome baby. Planned to ask Zar berzerk to follow, but I know he's definitely working his ass off and thought about calling Diqy Dick to follow, yet again, I can only assume what he's been up to lately, most probably chilling while taking lovely puffs in his favourite Sampoerna ciggies in his house, across the check point.
I hope that all of us could meet up soon. You guys are the closest friends I've got and furthermore, I'm depressed and I badly need this:
1. Sadiq's trademark **** face.
2. Qibsy's gayish expressions.
3. Bhai Gala's emblematic and ridiculously subtle personality.
4. Zar's unpredictable, solemn self.
5. Most importantly, I need you more than I ever needed in the past.
P.S. Tears of joy plus Tears of extreme nervousness brings you unassailable joy right Roslinah? Congratulations!
- When all came down, deeper and finally, buried.
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- perpetual_chasm
- March 24th, 2009
Just as I thought that sows of encouragement had been planted in my mind, I suffered an unexpected double whammy in 2 days. Those 2 days will change the path of my life forever. Surprisingly, I feel quite calm except for unpredictable surges of depression gushing to fill all the veins, vessels in my body, bringing my life to an absolute stand - still.
Those news are simply so bad that even those people who wish for my downfall will sympathize me. Okay, back to my fate in reality, what should i do? what should i do? Pray for the best? Do something but what?
The only thing I can be certain for now, is that National Service will occupy 90 percent of my life for the next 2 years.
Bye.
P.S. Roslinah, best of luck for your TP test tomorrow, may you get the result you wish for.
